Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   Life caught me caring and punished me accordingly.

   She told me she was a vegan so I pretended I never met herbivore.

   I'm black but not "ain't nobody got time for that" black.

   Saw a girl at Starbucks with a duck face. Felt bad because I left my bread crumbs at home.

   In my car, I control the music. If this is a problem for you, just remember this... your life is in my hands. I am the one who is driving. I can kill us.

   If you don’t tell your girlfriend she’s beautiful everyday, 614 guys on Facebook who haven’t had sex or even been on a date in 9 years will.

   Ladies, if what you did to him cannot be fixed with a blow job then I suggest you better start looking for a new boyfriend.

   Marriage is like prison except the food is better and your cellmate never changes.

   Ever just apologize for no reason whatsoever? No? It must be nice being single.

   I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, "Optimus Prime? Your table for 2 is ready!"