Kentonious Maximus Funny Status Messages

   Why do they still print the phonebook? "Gee, thanks. Here's a large printed portion of the internet for me to throw away."

   ‎5 Reasons I'm so good at procrastinating... 1: Ah, screw it. I'll do it later.

   I work hard, because millions on welfare are depending on me.

   Dick Clark is dead, secret service is out buying hookers, and Miley Cyrus is starring in a new movie called "LOL." The Mayans were right: 2012 is the end of the world.

   Awesome idea... You and 2 of your friends go to 3 separate dealerships and test drive the same make, model, and color car. Then you meet up somewhere, all swap cars, and take them back. Then say you'll keep their card and be in touch.

   Seen on a Deathstar bathroom wall: "For a good time, call Padme Amidala... Oops, too late."

   I don't wanna be presumptuous, but I think this Sandra Fluke chick just might be the love of my weekend. Now, if she'd only return my phone calls...