Kado Funny Status Messages

   Writing a book - it's about a good looking high level general in an Islamic country that wants to change his daily routine. So he makes a deal with a world power to fake his death. In return for his intel, he gets a massive payout & 70 hookers in Miami!

   Can't believe Gronk didn't wait until 6/9 to retire!

   When Jimmy Garoppolo said he watches a lot of film, I thought it was talking about football

   Fact: African Americans make up 13.3% of the US population. Fact African Americans make up 70% of the NFL. Fact: Average NFL Salary: $1.9 million. And these are the guys protesting "Oppression"?

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Rosie O'Donnell too..

   I had the scariest dream last night...Donald Trump's running mate was Rosie O'Donnell!!!

   Why can't my camera take the same picture I see when I look in the mirror?

   Guess Harrison Ford couldn't make the jump to Light Speed in his World War 2 vintage plane...

   Think someone is pitching "Keeping up with Kanye"? What a Deutche

   What Obama's secretary should have said, "Why don't you play #17 twice, its a nice par 3"