Joshman Funny Status Messages

   I just went downstairs and my roommate is watching American Idol. I am not saying the show is bad or anything, but sometimes I think it would be fun to be in the audience with a toilet plunger and a crossbow.

   Dancing with the Stars 2011: The last time I saw the names of these "stars" was when I last played the Trivial Pursuit "Nobody Gives a Crap" Edition.

   I would love to become Facebook friends with a hooker because I bet the status updates would be very interesting if they were honest, like, "Lindsey just made $300 in 15 minutes."

   My Take on Glee: So it's people singing, dancing, and having sex, all with a guy in a wheelchair watching. Kinda like an orgy at Larry Flynt's house.

   A buffet is where you find out what kind of person you really are.

   65 days until The Royal Wedding. I can't wait. Seeing that family gathered together always makes me feel really good about my dental plan.

   There is no good way to tell your spouse you want to go on "Wife Swap".

   Over the weekend, Dallas gave Michael Vick the key to the city. What's next for Vick -- an award from PETA?

   Pageant officials want to fire Miss San Antonio for gaining weight. Apparently, the poor girl ballooned all the way up to a size zero.

   Sarah Palin has filed to have her name trademarked and will eventually become Sarah Palin ®. That is, unless she quits halfway through the paperwork.