Jeremycakes Funny Status Messages

   I wonder. Is it considered non-kosher to watch a Kevin Bacon movie?

   Aaron Hernandez is going to jail as a Tight End and will leave jail as a Wide Receiver

   Happy birthday America, you lovable old geezer!

   If there's one thing the internet has taught me over the years.... It's that alot of money would be saved during the deconstruction of old buildings if we just fired some angry birds at them.

   I'm at Muppet labs with Dr Honeydew and Beaker trying to come up with a cure for dance fever. It's going well, although we've accidentally blown up Beaker 3 times. He's such a trooper.

   I'm organizing a bear wash to raise money for my favorite charity "The society for prevention of cruelty to Hobbits". Come to my house and I'll wash any pet bear you have, Grizzly Bear, Polar Bear, Black Bear etc. No Chicago Bears though, far too crazy!

   You know da day is off to a bad start when you realize you put your dirty socks in the toaster, two slices of bread in the toilet and peed in the laundry hamper.

   I think the Angry Birds could use some anger management counselling. Mellow out, my cranky avian bros!

   I'm canadian and I want to say to America, Hey I love you guys, but seriously, you gotta take Jersey Shore off the air! You guys work on that and we'll see what we can do about Nickleback and Justin Beiber.

   It's amazing how a blue fish with memory trouble can be such a great motivational speaker! "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming".