JAKE Funny Status Messages

   It's not the fall off a tall building that kills you. It's the sudden stop.

   Most all husbands lie on their tax returns by listing them self as the head of household.

   They say it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. After years of marriage, I find it's bad luck after the wedding as well.

   My wife used to be a size eight. Now she's a figure 8.

   Saw a new woman's talk show called "The Woman's Talk hour." It's on weekdays from 1pm to 3:30pm.

   What is it that you have that other people use more often than you do?....... Your name :)

   Back in the day google was the encylopedia.

   Rule #1 in marriage. If she not happy you won't be happy.

   Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?

   Why is it called mooning when you're actually showing uranus?