Grifter Funny Status Messages

   My neighbor was banging on my door at 3 a.m.! Can you believe that? 3 a.m.! Luckily, I was still up playing my drums....

   If you water an apple tree with apple juice, is it forced cannibalism...?

   There are very, very few things it's ok to say to someone at the next urinal. "You must take vitamins", is not one of them....

   When you dial somebody on a Google phone, is there an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button? That would be great for single people....

   Sometimes just for laughs, I slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the grocery store and then watch for the checker's reaction....

   I wish I could commute to work by roller-coaster....

   as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar....

   Have you ever looked at someone and said to yourself, "Life would be so much better if their mom had just swallowed"?

   Wouldn't it be great if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked on stupid people?

   It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol....