Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.

   My theory is that Big Foot is in hiding because he's self conscious about the size of his feet.

   Life doesn’t hand me lemons, it fires them at me rapidly from a lemon cannon.

   Can anyone recommend a good book to tell people I'm reading?

   I'm so glad that the Subaru boxcar hobo commercial had a 'do not attempt' disclaimer. I was on the verge of a major lifestyle change

   America won't be truly great again until we eradicate anyone who willingly orders coleslaw as a side

   To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.

   Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.

   I've never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.

   When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.