Evilyyar Funny Status Messages

   Piss me off and I'll put you on my kid's school fundraiser mailing lists

   I play hopscotch all the time! I also play hopvodka, hoprum, and hoptequila.

   We’re all photogenic on the millionth try!

   In my opinion, my opinion is so much better than your opinion!

   One man’s trash is another man’s daughter.

   My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?

   The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.

   Hey, Apple: Don't waste my time with this iPhone 5S unless it's learned that nobody's ever typing "ducking he'll."

   Judging by my friends getting married, finding your soulmate must make you fat.

   The worst thing you can say to a white girl is a toss up between "Gwyneth Paltrow would hate you if she knew you" & "Your ankles are thick."