Dunno Funny Status Messages

   My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

   Blanket on .. too hot. Blanket off .. too cold, one leg out? PERFECT!

   How can you tell when a woman is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarettes. 

   I've lost my mind! But that's okay, as sick as it is it won't get far!

   I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome. 

   I wish McDonalds sold a hot dog so I could walk in and order a McWeiner and then ask for it to be supersized

   Helmet strapped down, crayons sharpened, it's going to be a great day!

   My cuzn's baby's daddy's lil bruda's bes fren's uncle's x-wife's boyfren's mama's awnt's nexdoe neigba's susta in law said tell you Mur Cripmus!

   Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

   Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.