Downey Funny Status Messages

   I'm not sure who told bald guys they were required to have goatees, but they all fell for it.

   Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn't the right answer...

   Can we start a rumor that all Ed Hardy & Tapout shirts are bullet proof?

   wanna come back to my place & watch some p0rn on my 60" flat screen mirror?

   the fact that I can order Domino's in my underwear without leaving my bed has proven how far technology has really came.... and how fuc%in' lazy I have also became.

   If David Hasselhoff doesn't describe his workouts as "sweating his asseloff," well then screw him!

   The only thing my ex & I had in common was that neither one of us would suck a d!ck.

   Got a text from my girlfriend, 'thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative.' I wonder what 'ternative' means?

   I like when a woman tries to shove 210 pounds in a 135 pound dress because I used to bag groceries and admire that level of conviction.

   I changed my alarm tone to a Justin Bieber song and it works great... Now I wake up early just so I don't have to hear that $hit.