DocNoland Funny Status Messages

   what does a fella have to do to get a beautiful girl to come home with him and check him to tumors. I just wanna be safe!

   I just want to be fit enough to put my seatbelt on, without crying.

   -I think one of my friends gets the award for “most insightful drunk” for his comment, “It’s such a nice night…if only the sun were out!” Too bad he didn’t get to see much more of that night.

   I hate how documentaries make me feel guilty for throwing straws into a turtle's egg nest.

   I consider the seven deadly sins to be my best personality traits.

   Friend zoned your wife again

   I just picked a crumb off my shirt to eat, but it was a fuzz. I chewed it for about 13 seconds before I realized it wasn’t food. My cry for help is almost complete.

   Sorry I’m late, I was busy proving my existence to an automatic faucet again.

   Ever feel like the best thing in the world happens to you at the worst times?

   (eats exactly one apple) where is my health you wretched orb!