Clamwah Funny Status Messages

   I'm happier than a busload of f@t ladies on the way to a Bon Jovi concert.

   Open Mic Night: When You Can't Quite Land A Gig

   My aunt, a widow, who had 18 kids just died. At the service, the preacher said, "They're finally together." He didn't mean her husband, he meant her legs.

   Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

   Stay away from a place called, "Farm Fresh Restaurant". I ordered the chicken soup. A rooster walked up and teabagged his ball$ in a hot bowl of water at my table.

   I wish I were Gilbert Gottfried. He made it big from his only defining talent. The ability to squint for an hour.

   Mr Bean should win the Nobel Peace Prize for recycling...the same lame act for the past 25 years.

   If 50 is the new 40, does that mean I have to break it to my 9 year old nephew that he's the new -1?

   What's with these people on facebook who never particpate on your page at all, yet act all weird when you decline attending their $tupid event?