BGT Funny Status Messages

   Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie.

   I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone.

   Oooooh, It's SHARK week and NOT "shart" week...embarrassing :/

   _ I'll bet if it ever really rained cats and dogs, Bob Barker would be pissed because who's gonna neuter them all?

   Hey there "young" ones, before you go "setting the world on fire", how 'bout you just concentrate on NOT fcking up my order at the driv-through...thanks.

   ttention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.

   wants to be carried bathed and shampooed. Like a princess or a quadriplegic :-/

   This status update is from my friend Josiah. He's Amish and never really gets to give a status update : / "Hey, I'm good." ~ Josiah

   Happy TGIF to all you hardworking homemakers...(hey, its cheaper than flowers)

   you have permission to update my status to "is dead" when my time comes