@samdunsiger Funny Status Messages

   I have a very rigid exercise routine, involving daily jogs to the fridge to see what I have to eat.

   If confidence is shamelessly wearing your pyjamas in public at the grocery store, then yes, I am confident.

   I have severe attachment issues. I struggle with attaching my keys to my key chain.

   Demi Moore is French for half a Moore.

   Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, and the box of chocolate chip cookies preferably within arm's reach.

   Nothing says “I believe in you” more than when a waiter gives you a single napkin.

   Pets are brilliant at geometry. They effortlessly calculate the angles to most effectively impede your progress in hallways.