@cdowney84 Funny Status Messages

   chain wallets are a great way to let the ladies know that you've got about $7 that you don't wanna lose.

   I like my women the same way I like my hangover, gone by the time I get out of bed.

   I just seen a video of Miley Cyrus singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on YouTube... As if a shotgun to the face wasn't tragic enough for Nirvana.

   ‎"I'm here for you if you need anything" a.k.a. "I wanna be the next guy you bang"

   my doctor: "do you have any pains after sexual intercourse?'' me: "well, they usually don't call back afterwards, and that kinda hurts."

   Who needs dance lessons when you've got alcohol?!

   I'm not saying she is a $lut or anything, but if her v@gina was password protected, it would probably be "1234"

   Biggest turn on: When a girl picks the iron as her Monopoly piece.

   I guess taking pics of your food has finally replaced taking your pic in the bathroom mirror? Great, now I get to see that you can't cook OR clean...

   The best part about the daylight savings tonight is that I get to hear last call called twice.