@Plasticmortal Funny Status Messages

   I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth

   God created pollsters to make astrologers look accurate

   Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're a wet paper towel on a stick

   A man stopped me in the street today and asked me the quickest way to a hospital, so I pushed him under a bus!

   according to lipton the best way to make tea is to agitate the bag so every morning morning I slap the wife on the ass and say two sugars fatty

   took a bucket of Legos to Lowes and asked the cute manager "Let's build something together" that's when I got thrown out of Lowe's.

   You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink, but you can make him wish he had!

   I would like to see a tax on every word that come out of the mouth of politicians. That should balance the budget in a day or two.

   Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

   Love is best when it overflows freely from the heart, rather than you having to reach in to get your fill.