@OMG_Its_Matt Funny Status Messages

   Dubstep is just dance music with Touretts Syndrom.

   I was thinking about becoming a comedian, but I don't think I'm sad enough.

   Whenever there's a ping pong compatition on tv I secretely hope Tom Hanks shows up, paddle in hand, and just destroys everyone.

   My "host" friend called me fat and immature tonight. I didn't agree so I took a poo in her cats litter box.

   I never make the same mistake twice. Except for that time in Thailand. But in my defence they had really small atoms apples.

   It's gotten to the point where I judge people solely on how many Dumb & Dumber quotes they know.

   Taking my lunch break in a near by park would be a little less complicated if I didn't forget the fact that I have a mustache this month.

   You know it's bad when the only thing women feel while having sex with you is remorse.

   just once i'd like to see a Price Is Right contestant who is confident enough to make their own decisions

   Uggs: Helping men to identify lazy women sonce 2004.