Funny Status Messages

   I just read that burglars use Facebook to find out when people aren't home. I'm glad I'm at home, with my pet grizzly bear, two hungry alligators, and a pack of wolves.

   April fool's Day is over. Everything on the internet is true again!

   Have you ever had one of those days, when you're holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?

   People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don't have one.

   Yesterday I bought a map of the world. I then gave my wife a dart, and told her to throw it, and wherever it lands, I'll take you there on holiday. This year, we're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge. 🤣

   Alcohol - The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance "medicine"

   I've walked like an Egyptian, moonwalked, Walked this Way, walked on the wild side, walked on Sunshine, walked all over you and walked the line. I've done a lot of walking. I'm tired.

   I just sold a lawnmower on Craigslist. That's the last time my neighbor wakes me on a Saturday.

   Why does the last bite always taste like fish?

   No Burger King Day - Joe Biden