Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 999 of 6446

How do you change the channel on your microwave? There’s a bunch of smoke poring out of this one. Guess it’s stuck on CNN.
←Rate |
03-20-2017 05:13
Comments (0)

The only snowflake that I'm proud about are the ones I turn yellow.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 20:13
Comments (15)

To be fair, Trump thinks Meals on Wheels is a taco truck and he hates Mexicans.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:42
Comments (1)

Instead of condom, I like to call it a child-proof cap.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:40
Comments (0)

Steve Bannon spent St. Patrick's Day the way he spends every other day, drinking us all into oblivion.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:39
Comments (0)

So, the argument is that Trump said "wire tap" because he couldn't spell "surveillance"?
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:37
Comments (0)

So, when does Jill Stein announce her Kickstarter campaign to fund Meals on Wheels?
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:36
Comments (0)

If those terrible doctors hadn't given Trump those five deferments, we would have won Vietnam, bigly.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:34
Comments (0)

BREAKING: Trump cancels annual Easter Egg Roll, claims he "doesn't care for Chinese food".
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:31
Comments (0)

Future Jobs For Kellyanne Conway: Curator of the Bowling Green Massacre Memorial Museum.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:29
Comments (0)

Secret Service laptop with highly sensitive information on it has been stolen, Kellyanne Conway blames her microwave.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:26
Comments (0)

Reagan had ketchup in school lunches declared a vegetable, so maybe Congress can have Trump declared a vegetable.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:23
Comments (0)

Watching Trump meet with various world leaders is like witnessing someone go on a bunch of really bad first dates.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:22
Comments (0)

I went to Whole Foods and then bought two printer cartridges and paid my Comcast bill. I’m broke until 2023.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:20
Comments (0)

Jeff Sessions said marijuana is only slightly less awful than heroin, which is like saying chocolate is only a bit better than the holocaust.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:17
Comments (0)

St Patrick's Day taught me a valuable lesson, I'm not young enough to drink anymore.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:15
Comments (0)

President Trump's wild accusations shocked Melania because she knew first hand that nothing was getting "tapped" in Trump Tower.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:11
Comments (2)

New Job For Kellyanne Conway: Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:09
Comments (4)

After the President asked for an intelligence audit, the FBI review showed that no signs of intelligence could be found at the White House.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:07
Comments (0)

Siri, please delete all the baby videos from everyone's phones you're on.
←Rate |
03-19-2017 16:05
Comments (0)