Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 997 of 6384
TGI...Oh Crap, it's only Wednesday.
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12-14-2016 09:21
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Please God all I want to crave is lettuce, amen.
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12-14-2016 05:59
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Every time I have a salad for lunch my stomach feels the same way a dog does when someone fake throws a tennis ball.
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12-14-2016 05:58
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For a detective, a surprise party is the ultimate insult.
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12-14-2016 05:57
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Swimming is basically having fun trying not to drown.
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12-14-2016 05:56
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I need an app that after the third time I press the snooze button, my phone pours cold water on my face.
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12-14-2016 05:56
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Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the children's ball pit at Macdonald's. Not funny, grow up.
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12-14-2016 05:53
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Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."
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12-14-2016 05:53
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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
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12-14-2016 05:53
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It always fascinates me when someone gets off a water ride angry because they got wet.
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12-14-2016 05:52
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Thank god I don't have to hunt to eat, because I have no bloody clue where pizza lives.
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12-14-2016 05:52
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With winter less than a week away, I've come to the vivid realization that, as human beings, we've been shortchanged by nature. How come we don't get to hibernate?
Bought all of my Christmas gifts really early this year, Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes
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12-14-2016 00:44
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All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money
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12-14-2016 00:40
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I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?
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12-14-2016 00:37
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This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's Christmas list.
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12-14-2016 00:35
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SCORE!!! .... I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough....Well ... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !
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12-14-2016 00:33
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....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.
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12-14-2016 00:30
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...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫
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12-14-2016 00:29
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Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks real cool, hanging from my car's rear view mirror.
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12-14-2016 00:28
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