Funny Status Messages

   Q: What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? A: Icy dead people.

   Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..

   Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay? I just bid on a Mickey Mouse Outfit and now I'm 10 minutes away from owning the Dallas Cowboys.

   I've been putting Root Beer in a square glass all evening. I'm still not drunk.

   Donald Trump seems like the kind of guy who had a Y2K bunker.

   Fun Fact: Paul Manafort is a direct descendant of Benedict Arnold.

   Paul Manafort just offered to help Vladimir Putin move apartments.

   No one will really notice your awkwardness if you turn it into a dance routine.

   distance can be so cruel when you love somebody

   If you don't know where you stand with people then walk away.

   Make sure you've got something of yourself left over for the ones that love you. 3 replies 65 retweets 121 likes

   When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.

   Trump surely kept your whiney ass from being run down today. Youre welcome.

   Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him.

   Stalin should have known communism doesn't work. There were red flags everywhere.

   Ivanka Trump, the latest to join the cast of the confusing reboot to The West Wing.

   When it comes to acronyms, I believe that DILLIGAF is right "up there" with NASA.

   Be careful if you are driving around DC this week. Lots of key GOPers are throwing their credibility out the window. That sort of thing could damage innocent passersby.

   CNN has confirmed the intercepted communication was a call to a brothel ordering a young lady willing to pee on an old man. The John was unnamed, but everyone could tell who it was.

   Trump, Conway and Spicer have now been joined in the "Shameless Joke with No Credibility" parade by Mr. Nunes. Is there room for four stooges?