Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

   Ladies, we are not officially old until going braless pulls the wrinkles out of our faces.

   2016 stop it with the great musicians. You know that Nickelback is still around!

   George Michael is dead. hell. You thought 2016 couldn't get any worse and then WHAM.

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.

   Gold, frankinsence and myrrh. I may not be as wise as the 3 Wise Men, but I would have brought the baby Jesus a Lite Brite.

   On this day long ago, a child was born, who by age 30 would transform the world. Happy birthday Sir Isaac Newton! born December 25th 1642

   I ran over a big fat guy in a red outfit last night.

   Christmas; Another day of choreographed kindness and fake concern.

   Russian aviation and maritime hardware...both civilian and military, need a serious modernisation programme. Those nukes themselves must be rotting in those silos and probably present more of a danger to Russian lives than any enemy, real or imagined.

   I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!

   I got lost in your eyes...but I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it

   If everyone that receives a fruitcake for Christmas donates them to the government, Trump can build the brick wall!

   Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up

   I was going to wish merry christmas to all of the women that accused Trump of groping but I cant find them.

   I don't dwell on past mistakes. I have family for that.

   Evidently Cheering and doing play by play while my wife is wrapping presents wasn't the help she was looking for.

   Ok, let's be honest. I hate shopping for bras. You would think with the growing population of aging baby boomers, they would have more of a selection in 36 long.

   Hello, ABC? It's less than 40 hours until New Year's Eve...time to fill the sink with water and defrost Dick Clark.