Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 984 of 6446

   messageicon Wonder if Donald is going to borrow money from Vladimir Putin to pay for Trump University lawsuit.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to help mexicans? Forget protesting the wall. Get your family on heroin.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I installed an energy saving water heater this morning. It's a tankless job but somebody has to do it.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: Clean up your room. We have company coming over for dinner. Me: And we're all going to eat in my room?
←Rate | 04-01-2017 06:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Curosity killed the cat, but I was suspect for a while
←Rate | 04-01-2017 05:34 by DP Comments (0)  


   messageicon If to this day you still going on about how Trump won, you are an idiot of the lowest order. By now you should be talking about how Trump made America great again, which unfortunately is just a promised pipe dream.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 05:31 Comments (4)  


   messageicon At my age the only thing that gets TURNED on is MR. Coffee
←Rate | 04-01-2017 04:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon been single for so long I should change my name to "Kraft"
←Rate | 03-31-2017 22:34 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 21:16 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad we don't have a Democrat president or else everyone would be crying.....wait everyone is!
←Rate | 03-31-2017 20:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‪The leading cause of divorce is marriage.‬
←Rate | 03-31-2017 17:49 by Aglra_mark Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I give my cat leftover cat food from the refrigerator he looks at me like I just asked him for a ride to the airport.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 14:54 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Has found love on facebook. Shes from Bangladesh and "wan day will reash amehica."
←Rate | 03-31-2017 13:49 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people wake up and feel like a million bucks. Me? I wake up feeling like insufficient funds.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Mommy, can we go visit grandpa in Washington this weekend?" "Barron, I've told you a hundred times that is your Daddy."
←Rate | 03-31-2017 12:29 Comments (3)  


   messageicon If this is a witch hunt, didn't it end when they found Kellyanne?
←Rate | 03-31-2017 12:27 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Jobs, jobs jobs. Trump won't stop until every American can afford to hire a Russian call girl to pee on them.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 11:48 Comments (10)  


   messageicon I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts…
←Rate | 03-31-2017 11:48 by Lakestalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the days when microwave espionage was the dumbest thing this administration had to say.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a spin class led by Sean Spicer. It worked completely different leg muscles because all we did was back-pedal.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 11:44 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left