Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 977 of 6452

Can anyone tell me the name of that Jennifer Anniston movie? You know, the one where she plays the quirky girl who untimately finds love in the end?
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04-25-2017 12:04
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Feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....
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04-25-2017 10:04
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I lost 3 pounds over the weekend.but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
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04-25-2017 08:48
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A recent survey indicates that the Smartphone is now the number one hand held device. The p3ni$ has now dropped to second place.
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04-25-2017 08:41
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I opened up this app & just keep swiping right at all the sexy pictures...I can't believe how many selfies I have stored in my pictures
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04-25-2017 03:01 by Eddy
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I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.
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04-24-2017 16:41
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FOX needs to hire more women who look like Rachel Madcow. Problem solved.

The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn't enough...
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04-24-2017 10:45
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I got in touch with my feminine side this morning. I made myself breakfast.

The Fate of the Furious: mindless drivel supported by today's mindless moviegoers. Proving how easy it is nowadays to separate an idiot from his money.
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04-24-2017 03:21
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I think it's isensitive for Batman movies to be rated PG
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04-23-2017 23:01
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Kids today have no idea how to manage their time. Back in my day, I was able to do 18 holes and still found to to play golf.
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04-23-2017 21:53 by Frank
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it possible to get herpes over the internet? Asking for a friend who's dead meat when my wife, I mean his wife finds out. Come on, she was hot!

The cashier at the grocery store asked if I wanted a paper or plastic bag. I said plastic. She goes, "You must have a pretty girlfriend."

It's finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
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04-22-2017 19:02 by snotty
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Apparently today is Earth Day? I wish someone would have told me that before I went outside and cut millions of blades of grass in half and poisoned the yellow flowers in my yard. (actually, I would have done it anyway)
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04-22-2017 16:47
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Happy Earth Day. I'm did my part by vacuuming all of the dirt out of my car and putting it back on the ground where it belongs.
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04-22-2017 16:46
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Earth is a beautiful planet. However, it's the disproportionate number of its horrible 7.5 billion inhabitants that were responsible for it receiving only 1 star on Intergalactic Yelp.
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04-22-2017 14:57 by Mick
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Progressive Rock: A musical genre which requires an inordinate amount of time and skill to write, rehearse, record and perform, only to bore 90% of all music fans to tears.
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04-22-2017 14:22 by Blozart
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Q: What's Better Than A Rose On Your Piano? A: Tulips On Your Organ.
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04-22-2017 12:57 by Mick
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