Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with the police then setting them free was probably a bad idea.

   Trump is already working wonders, all these people marching = Exercise and aiding weight loss. = Positive

   Shout out to all the brave men that had to make their own sandwich for lunch today.

   A lot of sandwiches are not being made today

   what? Donald Trump is the president??? (people without internet)

   'Half the world is made up of people with something to say but can't & the other half is made up of people with nothing to say but keep on saying it anyway.'

   I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.

   If they can't afford an extra $500 a year or $41 a month they shouldn't be buying a house. I guess another bailout like in 2013 of the FHA is more preferable. Taxpayers dont want to buy you another house which you will most likely default on.

   Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: Because he can? .... No, because he can't make a fist.

   There is nothing worse than watching the new guy at Subway make your sandwich.

   I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my spleen on my pant leg. And my liver adds a certain flair to my belt.

   That moment you realize 200+ rioters will be getting slapped with a felony and lose their right to vote. LOL

   Mexican word of the day....HIDE!

   Im going to get some crayons and puppets and teach you snowflakes how to vote so yo dont have to cry again in 4 years

   Obama approval hits 60%,most of that approval is that he is finally GONE.

   Freedom of Speech has returned to America .... Apparently it is finally now legal once again to make fun of our President after 8 long years.

   I guess orange is officially the new black

   I'd be all for the Women's March protest if they added, "off a cliff" to the name of the event.

   I've been taught to think before I act so if I ever slap the $h!t out of you, I've thought about it and I'm confident about my decision.

   Too bad these communist Russians cannot hack their economy and make it great.