Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Bad news, A friend of mine fell into a reupholstering machine. Good news, Hes now recovered.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking news .. a White House to hire Bill O'Reilly and appoint him as chair of women's rights committee.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 14:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can Bill O'Reilly be fired. The President assured as he is a good guy and didn't do anything wrong.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 14:47 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Much like the Atlanta Falcons, Aaron Hernandez choked in the end.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is anybody sad about Aaron Hernandez killing himself? He is a murderer. It's funny how people act like he's an angel now.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Aaron Hernandez's suicide just means 1 more Patriot wont be visiting the White House Today...
←Rate | 04-19-2017 12:13 by Migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Aaron Hernandez out indefinitely with neck injury.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 09:19 by Gil Comments (3)  


   messageicon Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 07:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed and that is pretty close.
←Rate | 04-18-2017 22:52 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I promise you it wasn't special treatment. McDonald's makes me wait for my fries every damn time. Nice try playing the hero and all.
←Rate | 04-18-2017 16:27 by Creeooo Comments (3)  


   messageicon They should change the sound of the new chip card machines . Make me panic and think my purchase was denied. Put a ding on on it or some thing make me think I won something
←Rate | 04-18-2017 11:13 by Robert DeLa Garza Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can't tell.
←Rate | 04-18-2017 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In school I was always the teachers pet. I was like a pet cat though. They just woke me up when it was time to eat.
←Rate | 04-17-2017 21:12 by Glenn M Comments (0)  


   messageicon ever look at somebodys feet and there toes look like Fritoes
←Rate | 04-17-2017 20:48 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon All this talk about egg rolls is making me hungry for Chinese foood.
←Rate | 04-17-2017 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really hate it when people constantly need reassurance. You know what I mean?
←Rate | 04-17-2017 12:04 by Mr E Comments (0)  


   messageicon And then Satan said "put the alphabet in math"
←Rate | 04-17-2017 12:03 by Mr E Comments (0)  


   messageicon They made Paul McCartney and Elton John knights. What's the point if they aren't going to joust?
←Rate | 04-17-2017 12:03 by Mr E Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
←Rate | 04-17-2017 12:02 by Me E Comments (0)  


   messageicon The pollen count is so high meth labs are busy trying to turn their meth back into Benadryl
←Rate | 04-17-2017 12:01 by Me E Comments (0)  




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