Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're a welder than knows how to lay pipe, you're about to get RICH , !!!!!!

   Patriots are going to the Superbowl....The NFL is going to assign someone to check Tom Brady's balls throughout the game....don't want that on my resume

   n't the bigger question: How many people attended the Hillary Inauguration?

   Agree or disagree with the Trump protesters....he got more people walking in 1 day than Michelle Obama did in 8 years

   Alternative facts. What most good and honorable americans call lies. May God have mercy on our souls.

   No matter who's president , Elvis is still the king

   I caught my third girlfriend cheating on me. I only have two left now, makes me sick.

   BREAKING: White House informs the public of excess bread in America resulting from a lack of sandwiches being made this weekend.

   I just saw Luke Bryan is singing the National Anthem at the Superbowl. So I thought I'd post a preview for everyone....Oh Girl can you see by my pickup's headlights what so proudly we hail on the old dirt road ...

   Trump got more women to walk in 1 day than Michelle Obama did in 8 years

   I'm really not a "know it all"... For instance, up until recently, I thought cunnilingus was an Irish Airline.

   I feel an originality rush coming on. Think I'll make a dog face on Snapchat.

   This is how my week goes: moooooooooooonday.. tuuuuuuuuuuuesday... weeeeeeeeeednesday... thuuuuuuuuuursday.. fridaysaturdaysunday....

   Learn from your mistakes? It is far better to observe the stupidity of other people and learn from that.

   The packers were in it right up until the end of the national anthem.

   There are only two things in this world that smell like fish. One of them is fish.

   New England Patriots haters be like "I refuse to accept the results of the AFC Championship game. Tomorrow I'll be protesting, picketing, looting, rioting, and forming support groups. #NotMySuperBowl "

   Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.

   30 million women marched to the polls back in November and voted for Trump.

   There's much better things in life than alcohol but alcohol compensates for not getting them.