Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 970 of 6446

As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
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04-27-2017 09:56
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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
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04-27-2017 09:26
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Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
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04-27-2017 09:12
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Darth Vader could fall asleep in Imperial meetings and nobody would notice.
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04-27-2017 07:20
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Log off Facebook and go to church if you want to pray. Facebook was exclusively invented for spying and stalking
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04-27-2017 05:09
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I hope instagram is still around in 10 years so I can show my kids what my food looked like in 2013
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04-27-2017 05:09
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When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
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04-27-2017 05:08
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dont fart in an apple store, they dont have windows
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04-27-2017 02:23
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Trump said he would get rid of NAFTA in his 100 days in office. Now he says he's not going to scrap it afterall. Does this guy actually knows what he's doing???
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04-26-2017 23:59
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You are catching up to the cool people, Happy Birthday!
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04-26-2017 17:41
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When it comes to my omelette cheese I'm Un-American. #whitechesseplease

Why don't family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
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04-26-2017 10:47 by daheavy1
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When you like someone but they want you to meet their friend, it's kind of like when you ask for a Coke and the waiter says "Is Pepsi OK?"
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04-26-2017 10:19
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Trump lost the trade war with Mexico, bwahahahahaha! Get use to losing all the time, with dump in office, America will keep on losing!
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04-25-2017 22:28
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i put my phone on plane mode and then it kicked my ass!

NASCAR killed Dale Sr and Dale Jr just killed NASCAR.
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04-25-2017 17:25
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I am not usually one to brag, but I was able to get my daily recommended calorie intake for weight loss down in just one sitting!
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04-25-2017 15:38 by John Y
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Trying to argue with someone over text is like drinking alcohol to lose weight.
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04-25-2017 14:48 by ryan
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They say that inside every heavy person there's a thin person wanting to get out. I must have the entire cast of America's Next Top Model inside me.
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04-25-2017 13:28 by Mick
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Can anyone tell me the name of that Jennifer Anniston movie? You know, the one where she plays the quirky girl who untimately finds love in the end?
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04-25-2017 12:04
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