Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only problem with Chris Christie closing the beach to everyone but himself... Not enough people there to push him back into the water.

   The only reason Christie was caught was that some environmentalists were in the area and thought they saw a beached whale.

   So you wanna celebrate tyhe Fourth of July? Start a Revolution!

   There's a big difference between a girl and a guy using a whole box of kleenex while watching a movie...

   we shoot off Chinese fireworks to celebrate our freedom from the British

   Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?

   At the time getting into a relationship seemed like a good idea... but then again so did getting on the Titanic

   Almost that time if tear to whip out the Ol' cellular device and record a bunch of fireworks I'll never watch again.

   My newest pet peeve on Facebook lately when someone asks for a suggestion on hotels restaurants vacations spots etc.. google it you lazy/dumb F$)&tart.

   They say that shopping while you are hungry is the worst thing you can do, but I think clubbing a seal is, at least, equally bad.

   When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.

   n’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and another that’s like “I don’t know how to hold a pencil"

   Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.

   If you think this message is a display of stupidity, just wait until you read the one below this...

   I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.

   How can Canadians be so nice and their geese be such a-holes??

   If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments

   When I went into Rehab the sign over the door said "Abandon all dope, ye who enter."

   I'm gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".

   This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.