Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."

   Why couldn't Eve have just made Adam a sammich like other women?

   My train of thought is usually all loco and no motive.

   If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then, yes, I do like opera.

   I used to be a male trapped inside a female's body. But then I was born and everything was OK.

   [at restaurant] Wife: I'm having an affair. Husband: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well.

   OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.

   "O.J. , if granted parole where would you live...?" "Well, I'd like to take a stab at Florida......!!"

   I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phonebook. She laughed and called me an antique, Then proceded to gave me her phone.Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

   OJ told the judge "I would kill to get out of here".

   The Dallas Cowboys just offered OJ a 2 year contract.

   O.J. Simpson is now available for the next season of Dancing With The Stars.

   Congrats Khloe Kardashian! You're father was granted parole!

   Finally, OJ can go after Nicole's murderer.

   The phrase "The Juice is loose" now has a new connotation.

   I just found something that will put you to sleep, The OJ Simpson hearing

   If you weren't sure whether or not to book a hotel in a Native American community, would that be a reservation reservation reservation?

   I wish people in this world would put as much effort into earning respect as they do demanding it.

   Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.

   Some things just don't go together, like drinking and driving or pissing and sneezing!!