Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 945 of 6383
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st, and that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage
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03-08-2017 04:21
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My girlfriend is training for 2020 Olympics where she'll be competing in the Conclusion Jump.
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03-07-2017 23:21
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Interviewer: You responded to my question too briefly and you were hesitant. Me: I was thinking how stupid was your question!
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03-07-2017 23:14
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I've I heard people want to boycott Beauty and the Beast because there's a gay character in it. It's okay for a teenage girl to fall in love with a rabid, hairy dog, but you can't have a gay person in a movie?
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03-07-2017 20:17 by HotTea
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I'm going to say goodbye to some of you now. Let's see you reads my page. If you are my friend click like and copy and paste this to your fridge.
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03-07-2017 20:15
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Almost time to play my favorite Spring time game....'Guess how deep that pothole really is.'
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03-07-2017 19:26
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'We do not eat anything we find in the couch' is apparently something I have to say now.
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03-07-2017 19:24
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Hit a pothole so hard, Siri developed a stutter !
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03-07-2017 18:39 by Ceeks
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That awkward moment when you see a commercial for "Designated Survivor" and wished it was reality.
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03-07-2017 17:32 by Vertigo21
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A guy just busted down my door and claimed to be a Bounty Hunter. I said, "You won't take me alive!" He looked at me as if I had two heads, then stole my paper towels.
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03-07-2017 16:59 by Mick
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If you ever feel alone, just remember you can talk to the CIA using your phone or smart TV... #Vault7
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03-07-2017 14:13 by CrackY
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Dont blame me for you crazy issues! If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
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03-07-2017 13:11 by jitney
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Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
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03-07-2017 11:32
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Its funny that people are upset with a gay character in a Disney movie but are perfectly fine with beastuality
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03-07-2017 11:07
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I'm boycotting beauty & the beast because of a teenage girl falling in love with a buffalo đź’ˇ
Relationship status…just tried to reach for my cats paw & he pulled away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote
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03-06-2017 21:37
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Here's a thought...How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
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03-06-2017 16:17 by John Y
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Fun Things to Cry Out during Sex : "Oooh" "Eeeh" "Oooh" "Ahhh, Ahhh" "Ting" "Tang" "Walla Walla Bing Bang"
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03-06-2017 16:11
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If a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he's not home?
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03-06-2017 13:48
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Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
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03-06-2017 13:28 by Mick
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