Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 945 of 6446

   messageicon I love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people. Never gets old.
←Rate | 07-06-2017 08:02 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve been chatting online with a 14-year-old girl. Really flirty and sexy. Then she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that for someone her age?
←Rate | 07-05-2017 13:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
←Rate | 07-05-2017 06:41 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hug her from behind but keep an eye out for her husband.
←Rate | 07-05-2017 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in a Domestic Partnership with myself. One hand vacuums while the other one dusts.
←Rate | 07-04-2017 22:19 by Chill Wills Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember to leave a Budweiser and a rifle out under you America tree tonight for Kid Rock or he won't leave you any fireworks
←Rate | 07-04-2017 14:37 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Don't forget to proudly wave our American flags made in China today..
←Rate | 07-04-2017 08:34 by JayMoney Comments (2)  


   messageicon The media is terrible!!! They should have really help that beached whale (Christie) back into the water!! But no!! They just take pics and publish.
←Rate | 07-04-2017 00:41 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The world overdosing on stupidity, having already destroyed the antidote.
←Rate | 07-03-2017 14:05 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The only problem with Chris Christie closing the beach to everyone but himself... Not enough people there to push him back into the water.
←Rate | 07-03-2017 13:51 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The only reason Christie was caught was that some environmentalists were in the area and thought they saw a beached whale.
←Rate | 07-03-2017 13:34 Comments (2)  


   messageicon So you wanna celebrate tyhe Fourth of July? Start a Revolution!
←Rate | 07-03-2017 13:01 Comments (2)  


   messageicon There's a big difference between a girl and a guy using a whole box of kleenex while watching a movie...
←Rate | 07-03-2017 09:26 Comments (1)  


   messageicon we shoot off Chinese fireworks to celebrate our freedom from the British
←Rate | 07-02-2017 00:07 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?
←Rate | 07-01-2017 23:35 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the time getting into a relationship seemed like a good idea... but then again so did getting on the Titanic
←Rate | 07-01-2017 22:07 by IronMonKeY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Almost that time if tear to whip out the Ol' cellular device and record a bunch of fireworks I'll never watch again.
←Rate | 07-01-2017 18:49 by @Spider-M44n Comments (0)  


   messageicon My newest pet peeve on Facebook lately when someone asks for a suggestion on hotels restaurants vacations spots etc.. google it you lazy/dumb F$)&tart.
←Rate | 07-01-2017 07:40 Comments (1)  


   messageicon They say that shopping while you are hungry is the worst thing you can do, but I think clubbing a seal is, at least, equally bad.
←Rate | 06-30-2017 22:29 by tyrannees Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
←Rate | 06-29-2017 22:07 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left