Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trump doesn't have time to denounce the #$%$ but does so instantly against a CEO that withdrawals from one of his committees. If you didn't know Trump was a white supremacist before, you do now.

   Parents, your kids are growing up "too" fast, not to fast...

   I was grocery shopping today and when I was finished I went to the checkout line. The lady at the register said "Did you find everything you were looking for?" I said "No. I was looking for a $100 bill in the Rice Krispies section I but didn't find one."

   Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison and drugs are really expensive in prison.

   70% of Facebook users have a Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Married… LIKE if you love food.

   Everybody who hates Donald Trump is going to Hell. -Pope Francis

   hey when does special Ed classe begin this fall for you anti-trump bashers?

   If your God is totally ok with nuking an entire country but not with 2 guys marrying, you might consider exchanging that God.

   I'm really tired of every article about a woman having an opinion being accompanied by the most deranged photo of her they can find.

   (after getting stabbed by a mugger) I blame both sides for this. #trumpLogic

   You might be a trump supporter if you go to a family reunion looking for a wife.

   This planet is serious messed up. 407,000 Americans died fighting fascism in world war 2. Now Trump is disrespecting those heroes by letting Nazis match across America.

   What's better than a talking cat? A spelling bee.

   Apparently calling a pair of conjoined twins "hipsters" is not cool.

   There's no way EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting. You know there was at least one guy hiding in a corner thinking "Man, I don't want none of this."

   Am I the only one who reads my spam email and after reading the subject line of one that says, "we have unclaimed funds got you", mutters, "yeah, sure you do."?

   Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x

   I just saw the neighbor's kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn't supposed to.

   I signed up for ancestry.com. I wouldn't be surprised if me results come back as 100% Budweiser.

   You know your girlfriend is horny when you put your hand up her skirt and it feels like you're feeding a horse.