Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 914 of 6383
Hey UNITED, my ex is flying from Atlanta to San Antonio, flight 2145 row 12, seat D. Do your thing
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04-12-2017 22:49 by BEGO
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United Airlines just received failing grade from the health department for having blood on its Chinese take out.
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04-12-2017 14:03
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I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs.
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04-12-2017 14:02
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United Airlines just released their new frequent flyer app. Easy to use, too. It's all drag and drop.
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04-12-2017 09:01 by djjackson
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Give a man a beer and he will entertain you… Hold a mans beer and he will entertain the world.
"16 and Applying to Colleges" -rejected MTV reality series
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04-12-2017 07:48
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Good thing that doctor wasn't wearing leggings, too.
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04-12-2017 07:29
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Southwest- We beat our competition. Not you.
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04-11-2017 23:46
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If they made a movie ,you know who would make a good Obama? Morgan Freeman. Not because they look alike but because Morgan never did a damn thing for America either.
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04-11-2017 19:01
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2 predictions - 1) CNN says Democrats have 98% chance of winning the 2020 presidential election. 2) Their wrong again.
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04-11-2017 18:43
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2020 democratic presidential candidate slogan - " Who want free phones?"
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04-11-2017 18:41
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United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
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04-11-2017 17:44
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Number 1 reason people voted for Hillary Clinton - They couldnt figure out how to tell their parents they were gay.
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04-11-2017 17:41
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Put my phone on airplane mode and some bloke came over and dragged me out of the house.
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04-11-2017 17:10 by United
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United, we put the hospital in hospitality.
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04-11-2017 16:57
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Bill Clinton denied having sexual relations with his intern because it was hugely embarrassing. Melania denies having sexual relations with Donald for the same reason.
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04-11-2017 16:06
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Like most hard working Americans, Trump should be allowed to fly a private jet to his personal golf course and palatial estate at the taxpayers expense without. Everyone getting crazy.
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04-11-2017 16:02
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I don't want our enemies to know what I am thinking, so I will keep my thought s between me and my millions of followers on twitter.
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04-11-2017 15:42
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It is gonna be awkward in the hall today when Jared runs into Sean and asks him what the holocaust Center is.
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04-11-2017 15:36
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Spicer can't concentrate long enough to intelligently discuss the holocaust. He needs to improve his concentration. Do they have camps for that?
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04-11-2017 15:35
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