Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!

   When she starts "first of all "in the middle of an argument,just give up, she has won already as she is gonna bring up stuff from 10 years back

   Someone just called me NORMAL......I have never been so insulted in my life....

   The walls of hospitals have heard more sincere prayers than the walls of masjid,temples and churches.....

   If you are in a relationship and all you do is cry, you will have to ask yourself,"am I dating a human or an onion?"

   Not everybody has to like me, I cant force you to have a good taste!

   My favourite childhood memory is not paying bills

   I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together

   character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you!

   If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !

   Here's a list of nine bands Stevie Wonder has seen and One that's fake..see if you can guess. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.Blind Melon 9. 10.

   At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.

   "Wow, Windows Troubleshooter totally solved the problem!" said no one ever.

   100 Days in. Only 6.8% of the way to another President! Yay!

   If a zoologist studies animals what do you call someone who studies zoos? ZOOLOGIST: if you come down off the giraffe I'll answer your questions

   "Daddy, can you run for President and get rid of the estate tax so that I inherit an extra billion dollars?"

   FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...

   Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except for imitation grape soda; real grapes have never quite gotten over that one..

   As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.

   It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.