Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interested in swings from a pole and has daddy issues.

   I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.

   If you drive a Tesla and it gets stolen, is it now an Edison?

   NFL = No Fans Left

   I wish people would get upset at NFL players punching their girl friends as much as they do about not standing for the flag.

   When i'm Single,all I see are couples being happy.When i'm Dating someone,all I see are Single,being happy.

   So on "The Bachelor," a guy gets to make out with 20 different hot women and each one of them is convinced that he'd be the perfect husband. And this is a "reality" show?

   I wonder if Trump does all his tweeting while taking a dump on the toilet.

   Which Knee? the left knee? the right knee?...the weenie?

   Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.

   Anthony Weiner gets Hard time. Pun intended!

   Pro athletes are just modern day court jesters who are only here to entertain us.

   Yes I took a knee before the game on Sunday. It took three people and a promise of a chocolate chip cookie to get me back on my feet again.

   Tom Brady, a white man, supports the NFL player's protest. What are you guys going to do now?

   One of those protesting coons home gets broken into and I bet they call the Po Po!!

   I'm confused. What doe the anthem and flag have to do with NFL players protesting police injustice??

   Breaking NFL NEWS Pittsburg's NFLteam is rebranding and will now be known as "The Pittsburgh Kneelers".

   "Courageous Patriots have fought and died for our great American Flag --- we MUST honor and respect it! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!" - Says a serial draft dodger.

   its amazing how fast my phone is now that I removed the NFL app.

   To everyone reading this congratulations for surviving the end of the world.