Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Draft dodgers always have the most to say about patriotism in an attempt to clear their guilty conscience.

   Trump's lack of empathy about Puerto Rico is staggering.

   A year ago, Facebook was great according to orange. Now it's anti-Trump. Make up your mind orange head.

   Did the kid who was voted most likely to succeed back in high school...succeeded yet?

   Honestly, it's not the way I look that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.

   How about you take a knee and protest the next time you get stopped by the police rather than running or fighting

   Trump is right! He has accomplished so much! Getting Mexico to pay for your wall, approving TrumpCare, and repealing ObamaCare! Congrats!

   My x-Girlfriend's cell phone got more attention than I did. I asked her, how long does it have to vibrate before you get off !

   Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?

   Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

   Alejandro Villanueva is a coward. He can stand up to the enemy on the battlefield, but he can't stand up to a bunch of whiny crybaby millionaires.

   When you and your friends are watching NFL games at home, do you stand for the National Anthem or continues to sit on the couch, drink your beer and eat nacho's?

   Whenever someone tells me "things could always be worse", I try to be optimistic and reply "things could always be better." That's the power of positive thinking, right?

   It looks like everyone wants Jon Snow to play NFL...he wont bend a knee

   Why doesn't this superglue lock on things tightly like it does its own cap?

   If lemons could talk I bet they would say "Hey! Did you know you have a papercut?"

   Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.

   Tweets are expanding to 280 characters and now I am looking for someone to write a forward for my soon-to-be-published tweet.

   A bachelor dates 20 hot girls all at the same time, and they are all good with this, and they call it a "reality show."

   97-year-old WWII vet goes viral after 'taking a knee' to support NFL players.