mickey Funny Status Messages

   "The Goddess that is Judge Judy"....said no one ever.

   Ever notice the word "bed" looks like one?

   Got a job at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I start tomorrow. In the Beyond department.

   "I was country, when country wasn't cool"....newflash...it still isn't.

   I always do things for the wrong reason. Like, watch the World Series for the organ music interludes.

   I have no idea what anyone means when they describe the weather as 'crisp'. If you're going to use the word 'crisp', you really should be talking about bacon.

   MY Fantasy Football thing is about the Cheerleaders.

   Being single at this time is not based on my wanting freedom to do what I want....It's more due to the fact that I want the freedom to not have to do what someone else wants.

   Okay so I meet this woman. Deb Bowen. The first thing she says is that she's not high maintenance. I ask, "How so?" She goes, "I prefer Cool Whip over Whipped Cream."

   Meteorology: The Exact Science Of Guesswork

   I'm sorry. You need a favor? You know I'd consider it if I weren't so inconsiderate.

   I had a dream about a planet run by orphans who sing a song filled with unintelligible lyrics and had authority figures with voices that blared like brass. Then I woke up and A Charlie Brown Christmas was on.

   As if my self esteem couldn't get any lower, when I got in the shower this morning, it laughed at me.

   SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock.

   I'm such a maverick. I refuse to make Sun tea. I'm making Moon tea, and let me tell you...that $hit's been on the back porch for 8 years and it STILL ain't done.

   G0D must be a vegetarian. He never talks about eating meat...it's always "daily bread" this and "breaking bread" that and "take this bread and eat it to remember me by" etc. What a carb lover he turned out to be.

   I'm bored. Let's see, I'll take a pic of me with my dog, then tag it with 97 facebook friends, then watch 'em go cuckoo.

   Some of you are so antiquated in your thinking...that whenever I click on your timeline, I find myself in 2012. BC

   Dog is man's best friend. Cat is an acquaintance.

   I say that anyone who messes with America, is gonna get a good dose of Red, White, Black and Blue!