GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Wanna make a car dealer uncomfortable? Just say, "Tell me if you can hear this". Then get in the trunk and start screaming.

   I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer... THEN IT HIT ME.

   Sometimes you have to sit back and play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

   I had a thought, and then I had another thought. They bounced off each other and now I can't find either one.

   Cooking for 2 hours just to eat for 10 minutes is the biggest scam in the world.

   When I say, "I hate drama" I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people's drama? Big fan!!!

   Dear Facebook, stop asking me what's on my mind. We both know it's against community standards.

   When a woman says, "Correct me if I'm wrong", do not under any, I mean any circumstances do it.

   I'm combining Easter and April Fools Day together this year. I'm sending kids out to search for eggs I haven't hidden.

   Not funny... We sprung forward so hard we are back in winter!

   I think we should cancel April Fools this year. There is no prank topping reality.

   Remember when we used to do prank calls growing up? Now those spam calls are karma getting us back.

   If you take a social media sabbatical, don't announce it. Just make your last post something fun like "I wonder if there's a bear in this cave?"

   Marriage tip: If your wife says she's only getting two things at the store, don't believe her. She's lying!

   How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

   My class essay on internal organs was too short. So I added an appendix.

   The clocks go back this weekend. Hopefully back to when we could afford groceries.

   I finally realized it... People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they are called cell phones.

   Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm off to the park to laugh at all the joggers.

   Someday when scientists discover the center of the universe, a lot of people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.