@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   "I just saw you on tv" "OH MY GOD what channel?" "Animal planet"

   I will do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up..

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Too sexy that if you go out with just one person, everybody will get jealous & depressed therefore killing themselves.

   I'm going to open a store next to forever 21 and call it finally 22.

   "Dont worry the spider is smaller than you" Yeah? "So is a grenade!"

   "Aaaaaachhooo!" "Bless you.." "Aaacchhoooooo!" "Bless you!" "Aaaccchhoooooo!" "Dude what the hell?! youre jus pushing it now!"

   "False information" spelled backwards is "False information"

   Girl: Hey what's up? Boy: if I tell you would you sit on it?

   ''You ask!'' ''No, you ask!'' ''Pls just ask?'' ''why cant you do it?'' ''Fine.. excuse me, can we have some ketchup?''

   That Moment of Fame when your name is in a math problem.

   Admit it, Once in your life, you've tried to guess someone's password but failed

   It's so cold out that I saw two gangsters with their pants UP

   TICKLING; Is like being raped but you're forced to laugh... And I totally hate it - _ -

   I wish exams came with a "50/50" and a "phone a friend" option.

   WHERE YOUR PEN GOES WHEN YOU DROP IT 3% right where you dropped it 5% 10 feet away from you 92% into another dimension never to be seen again.

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ I'm in love with my computer. It's getting pretty serious

   There's a serial killer in the house! NORMAL PEOPLE: "Call the police, let's get out of here!" IN MOVIES: "Let's go find him!"

   Nothing says "I'm a fat b@stard" like wearing a T-shirt in a swimming pool.....

   My manners disappear the more I have to repeat something. "Can you pass me the pen? The pen, can you pass it? Hello? GIVE ME THE F**KING PEN!!!"

   If sex between 3 people is called 3some, between two people is called twosome. why is Handsome still a compliment?