Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Just added pressure to my tires today. I leaned over and whispered "You better start doing your frickin job or you will have a date with the shredder."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think I will use this CSV receipt to wrap up like a mummy for Halloween. BONUS: You can scan me for $1 off any 2 liter drink
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:42 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:26 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you thought Han Solo was cool you should see his brother Guitar
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apologies to all you millennials -- the Disney Channel never prepared you for all this.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bruce Willis to return for Die Hard 6. Working titles are "Die Hard: Speak Up Please" and "Die Hard: When I was your age"
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of reading Hugh Hefner's obituary I'm just gonna look at the pictures.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:17 by Migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If North Korea hits us, I think the Military should kneel down and let the NFL players handle it.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon leave it to Hugh Hefner to die on hump day
←Rate | 09-28-2017 19:21 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it very funny that all the women who say Trump is a sexist pig are saying farewell to Hugh Hefner who did nothing but exploit women all his life....
←Rate | 09-28-2017 16:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sure I will read Hugh Hefner's obituary. But only for the articles.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 16:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twitter is going to 280 characters? That is so awesome, T rum p can now piss off twice as many people.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 15:58 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Y'all. I thought we were all streaking as an homage to Hugh Hefner. Anyway, I'm gonna need bail money. Again.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 15:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how long it took for the Playmates to realize that Hugh's Viagra had worn off and rigor mortis had set in...
←Rate | 09-28-2017 15:12 by psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any man that dates me better have my beer ready when I get home like my cats do
←Rate | 09-28-2017 14:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me and Hugh Hefner had a lot in common................we both owned more than one bathrobe.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 13:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To honor Hugh Heffner, all erections will be at half staff today
←Rate | 09-28-2017 12:48 by JosephRobert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, I've never thought much of Hugh Hefner, but you have to appreciate the irony. The creator of Playboy expires on a Wednesday-Hump Day.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 12:44 by TallMtnMan Comments (0)  


   messageicon RIP Hugh Hefner. A remarkable life. Fans of his work are now doing something they’re quite accustomed to - grabbing a tissue.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 11:50 by @Southern_Witt Comments (0)  




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