Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't need anger management. I need for people to stop pissing me off.

   My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.

   The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

   The Hero who shot the Texas church shooter was a NRA Certified Instructor armed with an AR15.

   Democrats don’t like to address mental illness after a mass shooting because they don’t want to alienate their base.

   Sociopath: The Sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are Guilty of. They do this to deflect attention from themselves.

   Mexican word of the day: Nacho, Hillary Clinton is Nacho President!

   I love how sharks swim around with their fins out like they want high fives, but then they're like, Screw you! ...and they eat your face off.

   I don't know why I ever joined Facebook, I mean like seriously, this is the worst dating website ever!

   A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.

   How is Monday the 13th not as scary as Friday the 13th?!

   A russian young lady of fassion had oodles and oodles of passion to her lovers she said as the climb into bed here's one thing those commies can't ration

   For the record, people don't get arrested and indicted on "no evidence" but continue on with your delusions.

   I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.

   Jaws 3-D (1983): shark with no connection or knowledge of either of the first 2 sharks avenges their deaths, wearing 3-D glasses.

   "Why would I want to thank a Vet when he cut my balls off?" -The Dog

   Message to NFL Players taking a knee....It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.

   Now Russia is accusing Russia of meddling in Russia's internal affairs, and is demanding Russia register as a foreign agent by Monday.

   Yeah, so while you were perfecting your grammar in 12th grade English class, I was doing the teacher. I got the A.

   I make jokes about being out of shape because it's soooo much easier than going to the gym.