Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 878 of 6446

I don't need anger management. I need for people to stop pissing me off.
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11-13-2017 07:49
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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
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11-13-2017 05:04
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The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
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11-13-2017 04:40
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The Hero who shot the Texas church shooter was a NRA Certified Instructor armed with an AR15.
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11-13-2017 04:39
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Democrats don’t like to address mental illness after a mass shooting because they don’t want to alienate their base.
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11-13-2017 04:39
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Sociopath: The Sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are Guilty of. They do this to deflect attention from themselves.
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11-13-2017 04:38
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Mexican word of the day: Nacho, Hillary Clinton is Nacho President!
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11-13-2017 04:37
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I love how sharks swim around with their fins out like they want high fives, but then they're like, Screw you! ...and they eat your face off.
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11-13-2017 03:49
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I don't know why I ever joined Facebook, I mean like seriously, this is the worst dating website ever!
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11-13-2017 02:13
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A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
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11-13-2017 01:58 by Cowden
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How is Monday the 13th not as scary as Friday the 13th?!
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11-13-2017 01:56 by Cowden
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A russian young lady of fassion had oodles and oodles of passion to her lovers she said as the climb into bed here's one thing those commies can't ration
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11-12-2017 22:21 by Limerick
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For the record, people don't get arrested and indicted on "no evidence" but continue on with your delusions.
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11-12-2017 16:42
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I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.

Jaws 3-D (1983): shark with no connection or knowledge of either of the first 2 sharks avenges their deaths, wearing 3-D glasses.
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11-12-2017 01:29
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"Why would I want to thank a Vet when he cut my balls off?" -The Dog
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11-11-2017 18:34
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Message to NFL Players taking a knee....It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.
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11-11-2017 15:44
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Now Russia is accusing Russia of meddling in Russia's internal affairs, and is demanding Russia register as a foreign agent by Monday.
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11-11-2017 11:57
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Yeah, so while you were perfecting your grammar in 12th grade English class, I was doing the teacher. I got the A.

I make jokes about being out of shape because it's soooo much easier than going to the gym.
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11-11-2017 07:59
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