Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.

   How is Monday the 13th not as scary as Friday the 13th?!

   A russian young lady of fassion had oodles and oodles of passion to her lovers she said as the climb into bed here's one thing those commies can't ration

   For the record, people don't get arrested and indicted on "no evidence" but continue on with your delusions.

   I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.

   Jaws 3-D (1983): shark with no connection or knowledge of either of the first 2 sharks avenges their deaths, wearing 3-D glasses.

   "Why would I want to thank a Vet when he cut my balls off?" -The Dog

   Message to NFL Players taking a knee....It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.

   Now Russia is accusing Russia of meddling in Russia's internal affairs, and is demanding Russia register as a foreign agent by Monday.

   Yeah, so while you were perfecting your grammar in 12th grade English class, I was doing the teacher. I got the A.

   I make jokes about being out of shape because it's soooo much easier than going to the gym.

   Thank you to all the Veterans enjoy this day of honor.

   If the people I come in contact with daily could read my mind I'd get punch in the face alot.

   Tom Steyer needs to be taken out and shot, resuscitated, and shot again.

   Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.

   My only form of communication today is shaking my head.

   Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.

   No, I don't want to hold your baby. It looks sticky.

   Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?

   I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.