Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing morally bankrupt about homosexuality, Obama said it was okay.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Better vote right on all the left stuff and left on all the right stuff every ten minutes. I’m extremely immature.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 02:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're constantly stirring the pot, not only should you be required to lick the spoon, but also have that spoon jammed up your butt. Perhaps that's your goal anyways.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 01:02 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Beer tastes better when you have to work the next day, it’s science
←Rate | 11-17-2017 00:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man dining in a restaurant asked his server "Do you have frog legs?" The server replied "Yes". The man said, "Then hop into the kitchen and bring me my dinner!"
←Rate | 11-16-2017 21:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The good news for AL Franken is this should make him a contender for President
←Rate | 11-16-2017 16:22 by MarkBomchill Comments (0)  


   messageicon All these revelations of sexual harassment, groping etc coming out of Hollywood is horrible...but how is Richard Dawson not being mentioned? That dude used to do it right on TV (Family Feud)!
←Rate | 11-16-2017 13:05 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just because you're trash doesn't mean you cant do great things...Its called a Garbage Can,Not a Garbage Cannot.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 04:25 by negrodamus Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy... Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 02:56 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation... My Czech is in the mail
←Rate | 11-16-2017 02:51 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  


   messageicon After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes...... "No hablo ingles."
←Rate | 11-16-2017 02:50 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Dominatrix is so cruel and kinky, she makes me drink orange juice right after I brush my teeth.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 00:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't recall what I can't recall because I can't recall it. Jeff Session
←Rate | 11-15-2017 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wife: I'm having a baby. me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have a baby as well.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it wasn't for online porn I couldn't spell amateur.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only person I wanna chat with is my dog.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon -inventing vodka- who’s thirsty for yeast infected potato juice?
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Superman wears glasses, everyone thinks he’s a different person. I wear glasses people say: “Hey, why are you wearing glasses?”
←Rate | 11-15-2017 05:06 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Irony: People waving Confederate flags telling others, "get over it, you lost".
←Rate | 11-14-2017 23:59 Comments (4)  




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