Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 857 of 6446

The Gym was so crowded today I had to skip my workout. Fortunately, the line at KFC was shorter than usual. Already in Love with New Year's resolution
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01-04-2018 06:27
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In California, ever day is now 420
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01-04-2018 06:25 by Jake
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It's 2018 so that means the millennium is legal.
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01-04-2018 05:49 by Jake
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That one sounded like a dirt bike with a bad muffler.
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01-04-2018 01:31
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Eat chocolate pudding all the time, everywhere you go. Use chopsticks and a diaper as a bowl.
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01-04-2018 01:27
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You'll never be the man your mother is.
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01-04-2018 01:26
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What a beautiful country, shame about all the Libtards.
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01-04-2018 01:21
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It was so cold today, I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
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01-03-2018 21:21 by Gil
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One good thing about this winter snow storm, is it makes my lawn look as good as my neighbors.

I'm not ignoring your call, I just get so excited when I see the caller ID I faint!
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01-03-2018 12:41 by JohnY
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When you have more than what you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence.
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01-03-2018 05:54
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The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.
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01-03-2018 05:54
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A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.
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01-03-2018 05:53
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I love finding money in my clothes after wash…..its like a gift from me....to me
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01-03-2018 04:25
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I dropped my KFC at the treadmill and now they are revoking my Gym membership, how unreasonable
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01-03-2018 04:24
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I just Love the gym this time of year. The new members make me look like an endurance freak
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01-03-2018 04:24
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Pink grapefruit extreme close-up, you’re welcome.
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01-03-2018 02:32
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If we aren't supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
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01-02-2018 20:13
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"Lindsay Lohan bitten by snake while on vacation in Thailand" I can't get my head around how a snake can be that organized
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01-02-2018 20:06 by markf
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Time to practice changing 7's into 8's
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01-02-2018 19:57
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