Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No I am not aware Taylor Swift has a new album because I don't listen to trash. I throw it out.

   Why are people talking about Trump and hurricane Harvey, when they are not blasting Obama for Katrina. Am I right?

   People who don't have a dog, have to pick the food up them self that they drop on the floor .

   Does any one cares about KKK, white supremacy, Neo-Nazi, illigal immigrants, Confederate Statues in Houston? Just asking for a friend

   Woman cradles and protects child. Man carries and protects both. This is how it ought to be, despite what your gender studies professor says.

   Pastor Joel Osteen won't open his Houston ⛪ church that can hold 16,000 for hurricane victims because it only provides shelter from taxes.

   Pyongyang can't party. It has no Seoul.

   With Lynn Yaeger, we dont need a new Pennywise. She will scare you and steal your shoes.

   Who hates the trumps, especially the first lady? Google Lynn Yaeger. WOW I feel sad for her

   The internet is blowing up over the first lady's shoes?? Is this what we've come to in America??

   There are days when I just want to hear her voice. Then I remember what a nut job psycho she was...

   God created the world in 6 days but took 9 months to create me, so clearly I’m a big deal.

   I took the Facebook quiz "Which Sex and the City character are you?" Turns out I'm the bus driver who splashes Carrie in the opening credits.

   When I was a kid, my family was so poor that if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had ANYTHING to play with.

   I decided to start calling my bathroom the Jim instead of the John. That way I can tell everyone that the first thing I do every morning is go to the Jim.

   Truth is truth. It does not need to be "balanced" and it isn't caused by voting, consensus, polls or by yelling louder or silencing someone.

   The last time Houston was under this much water her first name was Whitney.

   Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window.

   We were so poor when I was a little boy that I had to share my sandbox with our cat.

   Do jews celebrate labor day or do they gotta be different like usual