Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 849 of 6383
Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong.
It just means that you value your relationships more than your ego.
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09-12-2017 18:36 by scstarman
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I’ve come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
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09-12-2017 18:35 by scstarman
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The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner and facial recognition software.
Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world.
I'm sure the people at the NSA are dancing like little school girls right
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09-12-2017 18:33 by scstarman
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Hurricane Irma rescuers, rescues air jordans from rising flood water at a foot locker store.
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09-12-2017 17:49
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Ted Cruz likes porn.
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09-12-2017 14:21
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The goal keeper in soccer is allowed to pick up the ball...so why doesn't he just pick it up and just run across the field to the other goal?
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09-12-2017 09:48 by bob
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What is only a small box, but weighs over 250 pounds? A scale
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09-12-2017 09:48 by Jake
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I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
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09-12-2017 09:04
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The Wizard of Oz is 78 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage she wouldn't be in Oz. She'd be in Congress.
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09-12-2017 09:04
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The only difference between brown nosing and ass kissing is depth perception.
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09-12-2017 08:59
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:) Why is a hot water heater, called a hot water heater ? Who needs to heat hot water?:D
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09-12-2017 03:27
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I'm pretty sure my $2 Sportsclips coupon already told you I am not interested in the $60 shampoo, but thanks for showing it to me anyway.
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09-12-2017 00:34 by markf
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:) Fun fact: Coca cola (coke) and other cola drinks would be green if not for the caramel coloring they add to it.
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09-11-2017 21:29
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Hurricane Irma: Hillary's only chance for her book to fly off the shelves in Florida.
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09-11-2017 17:56
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Why are you just now "Feeling Determined"?
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09-11-2017 14:51
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FOX News compares the confederate monuments to the 9/11 memorials.....Okay, if you say so. They're FOX News, they are always right, right?
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09-11-2017 14:04
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"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
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09-11-2017 12:46 by Gil
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Hurricane Irma flooded Florida so bad, the septic tanks in the sewer system have started to over-flow. I guess Florida is now a brown state.
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09-11-2017 11:20
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Do you ever see your memories pop up here on Facebook and think to yourself "wtf was I thinking" I do. Just about every damn day.
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09-11-2017 09:13 by Zach
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In Iran, if a woman commits adultery she gets stoned to death. In the U.S., if a woman commits adultery she gets to be a guest on Jerry Springer.
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09-11-2017 08:07
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