Funny Status Messages

   I went to the Grocery store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine's Day. These guys are marketing genius

   Salt and sugar look the same. Be careful who you trust.

   I tell kids in high school if you wanna feel what its like to be drunk. Just spin around in circles as fast as you can for 15 seconds and try to walk a straight line after.

   People don't notice the things that you do for them untill you stop doing them.

   If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?

   I would watch the Bachelor if everyone who doesn’t get a rose gets thrown into a volcano

   Valentine's Day coming up. I got chocolate covered Plan B's. HMU

   I always carry a flute with me in case I see deer or rabbits frolicking in a sunny meadow.

   It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year

   "We be bobsleddin'." The Winter Olympics Bobsled Team

   My main job as a husband is to taste things that my wife thinks smell like they've gone bad and tell her if they taste bad or not.

   Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.

   I don't really WANT to make bad choices; but I'm always late and all the good choices are already taken.

   Can't wait till Feb 15th.........otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate/Cake day

   I find it very irritating when someone knocks on the door then when you ask who it is they say 'ME' .Like if I knew who it was I wouldn't have asked, Seriously Now!

   Why did the Chicken cross the road? To show Possums it can be done!~

   Most teenagers are treated like children. But are expected to act like adults.

   I’m building a wall around Facebook and Your all going to pay for it

   Seen a midget carrying a plasma TV to his car and a yelled out, “Hey buddy! Need help carrying that TV?” He shouted, “It’s an iPAD A$$HOLE!”

   You know you've been working too hard when you keep dialing a 9 while making a call from your home phone.