Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Donna Brazille and Fauxcahontas both confirm Crooked Hillary rigged the DNC to win the nomination yet still lost the election. President Trump was right again. Dummy-crats still stupefied.

   According to your logic, I guess 9/11 is fake news because CNN reported it.

   Can bone spurs keep you out of prison?

   Over here is just as empty as Ivanka Trump women's empowerment speech in Tokyo.

   Please stop trying to trick me into a conversation

   The Gluttony scene from Se7en really isn’t torture if you love spaghetti and want to die.

   Choked on my coffee this morning so I guess I'm done for my daily cardio.

   The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.

   Just Thinking Again: Children in third world countries are now sporting brand new 2017 world series champion Dodgers apparel.

   The only true anonymous donor is the guy who knocked up your daughter.

   My wife just complimented me on my Alligator shoes. Problem is....I'm not wearing any shoes.

   Just think, without microwave ovens, we couldn't drink 50 degree hot chocolate from a 500 degree mug!

   Trump: " I prefer Coca-Cola " MSNBC: " Trump declares war on the whole Pepsi generation "

   A woman started choking in the lineup at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

   So the Houston Astros beat the Los Angeles Dodgers to win the World Series. Sort of reminds me fondly of last year's presidential election. (Red State beats Blue State).

   Harvey Weinstein has invited all the disappointed teenage Dodger fans to his home for jello shots and back rubs.....

   Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]

   If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.

   The Astros are world series champs. And Dodgers dodge having to go to white house. So who's the real winner.

   Every time I try dating I get a new sister.