Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   From Cuddly to Stabby in 60 seconds. - a memoir

   Be a good person, but don’t waste time proving it.

   The forest was shrinking yet trees kept voting for the AXE because its handle was made of wood and they thought it was one of them.

   "Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is......

   You know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar

   I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams

   2 idians running water and falling rocks went hunting in the mountains But only running water returned back to the tribe A scout went looking for falling rocks but never found him And to this day you'll see signs in the mountains watchout for falling rock

   I don't run from my problems.i sit on the couch,play with my phone,and ignore them like all other adults.

   National meatball day. A day in the honor of David Dennison

   No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.

   Uh oh...FOX News report claims Ivanka, Kushner, Kelly, McMaster are on departure list from the White House. So much mixed emotions.

   Spring is acting like a deadbeat dad... like are you coming or not.

   When I'm feeling down and someone says "Keep your chin up!" I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and tell them "Walk it off!"

   Heading to WcDonald's for a Big Wac

   The Hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to Fart Quietly Again

   The only way to know a relationship is going well, when she feels comfortable taking a dump at your place

   Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation

   Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !

   I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's

   Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.