Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 816 of 6383
With Christmas just around the corner, it's important to remember to never trust electronics buying advice from people who have Beats headphones.
←Rate |
11-09-2017 09:48
Comments (0)
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn't pay their wifi bill.
←Rate |
11-09-2017 06:56 by Jake
Comments (0)
since twitter doubled the length of tweets, does that mean now I double the name? I'm gonna go post a tweet tweet
←Rate |
11-08-2017 23:33 by Eddy
Comments (0)
A new commandment. Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
←Rate |
11-08-2017 18:30
Comments (0)
Disrespectful parents letting their kids run around screaming. Can't I just have a nice quiet meal at Chuck E Cheese?
←Rate |
11-07-2017 21:12
Comments (0)
I’m not saying I failed as a parent, I’m just saying my son closes the cereal box without rolling up the bag.
Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
←Rate |
11-07-2017 20:31
Comments (0)
Pumpkin Spice eyeliner? Have we gone too far?
←Rate |
11-07-2017 12:29
Comments (0)
Something seems ironic about Macy's 249th "1 Day Sale"
←Rate |
11-07-2017 12:23
Comments (0)
Yes, that smartphone in your hand is the gateway to the sum of all human knowledge. And you are searching for 'kids funny drive thru'
←Rate |
11-07-2017 12:04
Comments (0)
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions. I know that now.
←Rate |
11-07-2017 11:52
Comments (0)
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don't have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won't look weird.
←Rate |
11-07-2017 11:49
Comments (0)
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
←Rate |
11-07-2017 11:48
Comments (0)
I wonder if this guy in line in front of me would mind if I pulled his jeans up for him.
←Rate |
11-07-2017 11:47
Comments (0)
Wondering if there are any cold days in Hell, and if so does Satan slam his fist and say, "okay what band just got back together?"
←Rate |
11-07-2017 11:43 by markf
Comments (0)
A big part of adulthood is waking up every morning wondering if you have caught a cold or is this just the new normal?
←Rate |
11-07-2017 11:41
Comments (0)
so what if I'm single now? I mean it cant be that hard to boil toast can it ?
←Rate |
11-07-2017 10:07
Comments (0)
The trick is to leave enough details online so that a determined mysterious rich uncle can find you but not enough so random murderers can.
←Rate |
11-06-2017 22:40
Comments (0)
Snapchat isn’t working. It’s the end of the world!
←Rate |
11-06-2017 18:01 by Broskino
Comments (0)