Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 815 of 6452

   messageicon With all the misspelled words trump has tweeted. I hope he never tweets "Preparing to launch." In stead of "lunch"
←Rate | 03-22-2018 20:19 by Jake Comments (3)  


   messageicon With all the white house leaks, they should lay in a supply of depends.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 19:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was addicted to Tide Pods.....but I'm clean now.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 17:49 by B Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a sneaking suspicion that Elton John couldn’t have cared less about how tight Susie wore her dresses.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 16:28 by @Madlogic Comments (4)  


   messageicon The DOW has drop to its lowest point of all time! Let's celebrate!
←Rate | 03-22-2018 16:06 Comments (15)  


   messageicon These Bombings in Austin Could Have Been Avoided With Bomb Control Laws... Raising Bomb Making Age to 21 & "Bomb Free Zones"
←Rate | 03-22-2018 11:29 by ba Comments (1)  


   messageicon That awkward moment in a business meeting when your boss tells you to "Quit clicking that damn pen!" but you need to click it one more time to write with it.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 08:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously Gas stations need to start having Happy Hours O Something of that sort
←Rate | 03-22-2018 05:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your kid is almost old enough for social media, Make sure you have the "We need the talk" thingy soon. You know advising him about the usage of your/you're and there/their/they're.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 05:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We all have at least one of those creepy friends who are sure to comment on a Facebook post/status when they see a female comment first
←Rate | 03-22-2018 05:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If money talks, someone please come translate my bank statements
←Rate | 03-22-2018 05:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My bank has this cool feature, whenever I want, they send me a text message with my Account balance. I do however think that adding "LOL" at the end of the message is really unnecessary
←Rate | 03-22-2018 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I'm still having nightmares about Sharknado.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 22:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife could not deside who to marry me or another guy who proposed to her. So she tossed a coin. I lost.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 21:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After 10 years of marriage my wife finally made me happy in the bedroom. She put in a 42'' tv a min fridge full of beer and she sleeps in the spare bedroom.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My love life is terrible. The last woman I was inside of was the statue of liberty.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 19:21 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon if the Earth is flat, then my belly is too.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 16:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So this package explosion situation in Texas. Are we blaming the person or the packages? Asking for a friend
←Rate | 03-21-2018 15:09 by captobvious Comments (5)  


   messageicon Maybe when God was creating the centipede he fell asleep with his elbow on the Leg button
←Rate | 03-21-2018 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are surprised that Facebook may be selling your data then you are the reason hairdryers come with the warning, "Do not use in shower"
←Rate | 03-21-2018 10:10 by markf Comments (3)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left