Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 810 of 6383
Mexican words of the day: Bishop and Lysol. Will somebody please shut that Hillary Bishop. She Lysol the time.
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11-25-2017 19:38
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You know it was a rough night when your iPhone X doesn't recognize your face in the morning...
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11-25-2017 09:02 by XX-FOXY
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Went to a Black Friday thing a my sweetheart’s house… all clothes were 100% off.
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11-25-2017 05:37
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To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
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11-24-2017 22:59
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On this Thanksgiving I am thankful to all of your post that make me look funny on Facebook.
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11-22-2017 06:30 by Otis
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For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
[Watching Porn] How is there not lipstick everywhere?!
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11-22-2017 01:53
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Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
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11-21-2017 21:52 by UKGuy
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Please buy my new book: Losing weight while staying drunk.
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11-21-2017 19:57
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Tom Steyer just donated 25 million to the, "Let's Get REALLY Dumb Foundation"
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11-21-2017 19:02
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Chuck Schumer just released a new book, it's called; "How to Be a Giant Jack A$$"
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11-21-2017 18:45
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An untalented gymnast walks into a bar....
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11-21-2017 16:28 by Sammy
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BREAKING: NINTH CIRCUIT COURT OF APPEALS OVERTURNS TRUMP'S TURKEY PARDONS.
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11-21-2017 16:19
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The sales of sexbots have been skyrocketing. I wonder if they make an underage one? That's gonna be the hot seller among Hollywood and Democrats.
Pro tip: Use Shazam in your Uber to blow your drivers mind with your knowledge of their obscure immigrant music.
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11-21-2017 13:09 by AkeelyMac
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My cat has a fun new game called Catch & Release.. It catches the mice outside and brings them into the house and releases them.
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11-21-2017 12:06 by Mic
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After the Lavar Ball incidence, I now understand why Trump hates blacks.
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11-21-2017 11:33
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When I get coffee at Starbucks and the guy asks me my name I read his name tag and say his name and then he's like "Nooo wayy! That's my name too!" and I go like "Nooo wayy!" and I always think I'll get something free but I don't.
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11-21-2017 07:59
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If you could cross a centipede with a turkey you would have enough turkey legs for everyone.
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11-21-2017 07:44 by Jake
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Ugh. None of my Facebook friends have accepted my "Take Seven B&W Pictures of Your Life Print them Poster-Size, Tint them with Watercolors, Scan Them, Increase Vibrance by 50% then Post Each One with a 3-Word Description Challenge".